The maid of honor just puked.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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