btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
pray to the hookup gods
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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