Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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