That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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