The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
