Can i not drive my cunt home
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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