did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
