If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We need to rekindle our bromance
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
