I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
