I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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