hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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