Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
