how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
