i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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