R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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