I could make wine with my vomit
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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