She is in my trunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
