so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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