My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
