Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
