Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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