So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
