i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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