My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
PANTIES FOUND
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