I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
