Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
