Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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