Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am spending my child support on dildos
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
