dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
