Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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