mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
