what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
