Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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