My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
