Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
