and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
