apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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