I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
