I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The air was thick with penises
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
