So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize