I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
