He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
