dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
