real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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