Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
