The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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