Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I touched a dick in church today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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