remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
