I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
