she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
