Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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