porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
