Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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