Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
