You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
