I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love you. Go after that dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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