We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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