you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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