I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
