I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
