He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
