Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dick has a subreddit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
