She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
