i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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