She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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