Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
