Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize