wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
