you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
