Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
