pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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