Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
