Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize