He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
