Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
