We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
