there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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