I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
